she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
