For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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