WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
