she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
