i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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