My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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