i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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