WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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