He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He shit in the fireplace
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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