I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
