I could make wine with my vomit
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
