So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
