I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
