were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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