Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you had me at cake vodka
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
