I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
