I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
