can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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