This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
