im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
