i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
