RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
