I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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