so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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