I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
