Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.