Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.