fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.