Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.