so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.