Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
