omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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