Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
