:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
