gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
