So drunk its hurt
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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