The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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