the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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