I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
