So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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