Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i don't like sucking hair
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
