I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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