Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
