Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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