dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
