I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
