Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
