Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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