I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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