I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
