I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
