Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
