I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
