I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
