Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
