you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
