I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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