I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Someone signed my nipple.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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