fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
