i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
