thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
