This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
