He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sex in the backyard? Check.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
