Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
