we're chasing vodka with high fives
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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