i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
