you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
