Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
