he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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