Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
