____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
