Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
