You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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