My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
