I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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