I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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