you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
