So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
