just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
